I had been thinking allot for the past few days,almost about everything i had done or seen since i stepped onto this earth.About my studies,my life,and every little things i had to deal with and to overcome difficulties.For the past 15 years of my life,what had i done?the things that i had either cause disappointment or shame to people around me.Like my parents.My results was extremely poor,or rather say its getting from bad to worse.i was once that innocent good student who do well in her studies and not mix around with friends that will make me change into a ahlian.Foe once i was like that,but everything changed when i stepped into secondary school.WHY?i don't know.Maybe the influence was bad or maybe i had not work hard enough.I think i should not blame others for what happened.Anyway during this holiday was like so boring and a waste of my time man!Stayed at home almost everyday and do nothing.I did study for my subjects,but i cant stay and focus for more then three hours,and that's bad!I would rather go to school man,at least can force myself to study and to do something that make me feel that its worth of my life and time to do it.Staying at home and staring into spaces wont help me to score well for my Ns.Hmmmm...really time to buck up.If not i don know what will my future be.Cleaner?Sales woman?Road sweeper?or some lousy jobs that i cant even feed myself?That not what i want.Neither of this.I want to be a business woman,some high post office lady that sits in the office and work or just shake leg.Enjoy the free air conditional and not sweating like crazy.I want to go to the institution i want and not those lousy ones.Like really i want it badly,but yet I'm not doing anything about it.I don know why and How.Can any kind soul give me some advise?I will work hard while finding for the right answer,and please kind soul help me think of some thing too.thanks.I hope someone really reads this and help me out of this irritating maze.